I used to operate (and sometimes still do) under the alter-ego, MixMasterMandy.  But life, as it tends to do, veered me off on country roads,  cul-de-sacs, and side streets I could have never seen coming.  

In 2009, I went from working toward being a rock/pop/hippity hop star, to a mother of a daughter with the bravery of a lion, the largest amount of spunk in an itty-bitty body, and very special medical needs. It was necessary and the highest privilege to step down from my own pursuits to realize there's something bigger and greater than being a "big star at the top of the bill."

By May of 2018, my husband, Gabe and I, had two very funny, very insightful, very different children. Things were stable and more settled with our daughter. I felt like maybe I could start getting back in the studio again.

I sat down with writing and producing partners Dillon Hodges and Heidi Feek to write a new album.  So much life had happened between projects that I didn't know who I was as an artist anymore.  I wasn't the character of MixMasterMandy.  I had so much fun with that rock/pop/hippity hop stuff, but I had deeper things to say. More tender and delicate stuff…you know, because my ovaries, or lady chemicals or whatever changed me.

The reality of my day-to-day living was so different than the old days. The days of chasing that smoke screen of the thing we call “success” in the music business.  I felt like my soul had aged 75 years.

So, what came out of the writing sessions were my experiences of being a mom, a wife, and a woman.  Some songs were still tongue-in-cheek like the  old MixMasterMandy stuff. Some came out more honest and raw than I ever thought I would want to put out into the world.  But it was good, and it was true, and it was beautiful...for me.  And I thought, “No one wants to hear this stuff. Maybe this is just for me. Maybe it's just some type of catharsis…for me."

January of 2019, unexpectedly, our daughter passed away at the age of 9.  Friends and family supported us the best they could. Much grieving and healing…and more grieving had to occur.  It’s ongoing.

Heidi and Dillon told me that when I was ready, they would help me finish the album we started.  That album that had all of those themes about being a mom to two kids, and a woman, and a wife. It was all so much heavier now. But we finished the album. I haven’t had the courage to release it until now.  I didn't know if I wanted to play the songs out live. I didn’t know how much of our story I wanted to share. I couldn’t even listen to the songs without getting that tight feeling in my chest and gullet when I’m trying to hold back the inevitable weeping and gnashing of teeth.

But here it is. 7 years later. In all its uncertainty. I’m operating on the theory that I should stop worrying about who is going to listen or buy the album.  I should stop worrying if it's not ‘cool’ to write about this stuff. I certainly shouldn't worry about algorithms. Maybe it's just between me and God and let the audience come last.  Maybe that last little part came from Rick Rubin's book.  

It's called 'Sacred Feminine' because that's what I’ve realized about all of the mundane and spectacular things that come with being a mom, wife, woman, and human being.  All of the dirty diapers, the laundry, the kisses, the cuddles, the partnership, the parenting, the tears, the confusion, the joy, the dinners, the prayers, the pleading, the friendships, the medications, medical equipment, doctors, hospitals, and therapist visits, the bedtime stories, the scars, the first steps, the dance parties, the victories, the loss, the grief...it's all sacred.  Every beautiful and terrible bit of it.